Addressing Aggression in Children: Strategies for Parents

Understanding Aggressive Behavior

Regardless of how peaceful, loving, supportive, empathetic, patient, and kind we are as parents, sometimes children act out aggressively.

This does not foretell any bad outcomes for the child, nor does it indicate parenting mistakes—it may simply be a phase, a sign of frustration, or even just a bad day.

Aggression, such as biting or hitting, can be addressed effectively by understanding the underlying causes, setting clear boundaries, and teaching alternative behaviors.

At PCA, our approach is rooted in calm, empathy, consistency, and respect. When parents adopt a similar approach at home, it creates a supportive consistency that benefits the child.

Leading with Empathy and Calm

When aggression occurs, our priority is to ensure that the “victim” is not hurt and to provide care while addressing the behavior of the child who acted out. Leading with calm and empathy is essential for creating a safe and constructive learning environment.

🧘‍♀️ Here’s a six-pack of strategies to address a biting or hitting habit:

▶️ Understand the Underlying Causes and Respond in the Moment

Observe Triggers: Identify what might be causing the aggression. Common triggers include frustration, jealousy, lack of attention, or difficulty with communication.

Identify Needs: Determine if the behavior stems from unmet needs, such as hunger, tiredness, or a need for physical activity or social interaction.

Immediate Response: Use calm and simple language to explain that biting or hitting is not acceptable. For example, “Biting hurts. Teeth are for eating food.” Remove the child from the situation and allow them time to calm down. Avoid overreacting, as excessive attention may encourage repeat behavior.

Consistency: Always enforce rules about acceptable behavior. Consistency helps children understand and internalize expectations.

▶️ Teach Alternative Behaviors

• Model Appropriate Behavior: Show your child how to express feelings or resolve conflicts in constructive ways. Use age-appropriate language and demonstrate empathy for the hurt child.

• Offer Alternatives: Provide specific ways to channel strong emotions, such as punching a pillow, eating crunchy snacks, or jumping up and down. Tailor these strategies to your child’s individual needs.

▶️ Reinforce Positive Behavior and Teach Empathy

• Reinforce Good Behavior: Praise specific actions, such as sharing or waiting patiently. Avoid generic comments like “good job” and instead say, “I’m proud of how you waited your turn for the puzzle!”

• Acknowledge Efforts: Highlight moments when your child uses positive coping strategies, such as, “I love how you went to your quiet corner to calm down.”

• Teach Empathy: Help your child understand how their actions affect others. Use role-playing or simple stories to build this understanding, such as, “How would you feel if someone hit you while you were playing?”

• Develop Communication Skills: Encourage your child to express their needs and emotions with words or signals. Practice scripts to prepare them for challenging situations.

▶️ Provide a Safe Environment for Play

• Create a Safe Space: Remove objects that could be used aggressively and ensure play areas are hazard-free.

• Supervise Interactions: Closely monitor playtime with other children and step in quickly if aggressive behavior arises. Immediate intervention allows for guidance and prevention of further incidents.

▶️ Implement Calm and Effective Discipline

• Use Consequences: For older children, a brief loss of privilege or removal from the group can help them reflect on their actions. For younger children, a calm reset in a quiet space with a caregiver can be effective.

• Discuss and Reflect: After the child calms down, have a gentle conversation about their behavior. Encourage them to think about better ways to handle similar situations in the future.

▶️ Seek Professional Guidance

If these strategies don’t resolve the issue, and the behavior persists, consult a professional. A pediatrician or child psychologist can offer additional tools and assess for any underlying issues that may need attention.

Turning Challenges into Opportunities for Growth

Aggression in children, while challenging, can be effectively addressed with patience, empathy, and consistency.

By understanding the root causes and teaching alternative behaviors, parents and educators can guide children toward healthier, more constructive ways of expressing their emotions.

And remember, occasional outbursts are part of childhood and an opportunity for growth—not a cause for alarm.